Posted by: Michael George Daniel | January 26, 2011

So What Exactly Am I Afraid Of?

I was dropped from 11,000 feet. Contained in some sort of metal cage, a plate of steel was below my feet ostensibly engineered (with enough safety factor) to make this a statistically safe experience for me and my fellow passengers. The air was cold (and thin) as I expected it would be. The speed of falling grew rapidly to terminal velocity. My hands were at my sides and apparently could not be raised, so I fell to earth in a vertical orientation, feet first thanks to the weight of the steel floor.

Wikipedia suggests that terminal velocity is 200 mph, although the world record of a streamlined free falling aerialist is over 600 mph. Knowing this now gives me insight into my own trepidation about the ‘engineered safety factor’ of the cage meant to protect me.

I knew I had been dropped over water. The concern was about the impact, obviously. I had no idea where I was in relation to the ground. Simply falling very fast. I was full of fear of the impact and waited. My breath quickened and got shallow. I tried to breath deeply, to relax, to prepare, to be in the best possible, strongest posture and state for the impact. That’s when I woke up.

Before being dropped, I remember flying in an airplane and seeing a dredging operation below. “Where do they put the tailings?. I asked. “Right back where they got them”, was the response returned. “But how does that work”, I said. “They drop them from 11,000 feet”, was the answer.

The four steps of dream processing taught to me by Susan Morgan of the Mystic Dream Center, and learned from her mentor Robert Moss, are, as best I can remember, 1. What title would you give to the dream? 2. What is the most notable image from the dream? 3. What do you or does your subconscious suggest for the meaning of this image? 4. What can you do in your waking life to incorporate the information provided to you in this dream?

1. The title for this dream is The Plunge.

2. The most vivid image is the feeling of fear, the shortness of breath as a result of my experience of falling. There is some, perhaps a lot, of dream-time that came before the falling, but I can not remember those parts of the dream. So it is just this segment with which I can work.

3. The immediate answer that comes to me, when I ask the question, what does this fear and falling mean, is this: that I fear catastrophe; the other shoe dropping, some way in which the ordered life that I currently experience will suddenly fall apart. It speaks to a deep-seated sense of tenuous-ness of my place and existence in the world.

4. What the (hell) will I do about this? Good frickin’ question. Again, an answer is immediately forthcoming. I will talk about it. I will shine light upon it. I will embrace it, reveal it, revel in it. I will hold it as mine and learn it, love it and live it. I will become consciously one with this fear just as I am already one with it unconsciously. Only now, I will have more choice in the ways in which it motivates (or demotivates) me.So I am writing about it; sharing this dream process as well.

After waking, I lay in bed thinking this through. The idea of writing about it accompanied my decision to talk about this fear. As I considered this activity, I began to weep. Tears welled, my abdomen convulsed; I thought of it as energy released. I offer this in healing. Even as I type these words, I feel those same tears. What is that? Is it gratitude? Is it a sense of being more fully alive? Is it movement, god-forbid, progress? What is healing anyway?

I honor this dream. I am grateful for it and its message.




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